Gaslighting at work is a manipulation tactic used by coworkers or bosses to make someone question their perception of reality, memory, or judgment.
Gaslighting Examples At Work
Gaslighting in the workplace can take many forms. It is often subtle and sly, causing the victim to question their perception of reality. Here are some examples of gaslighting in the workplace:
- Shifting moods: When you first start the job, your colleague or boss may act supportive and accommodating. This is known as the “love-bombing phase.”
However, once you become comfortable and begin to let your guard down, their behavior will become cold and cruel.
You may question whether you did something to upset them and try your best to please them, which only gives the perpetrator more power over you. - Undermining your relationship: A coworker might ask questions about you under the guise of wanting to get to know you, but then use this information against you at a later date.
- Minimizing your achievements: If you receive praise or recognition, a gaslighting coworker might downplay your accomplishments, making you doubt your own capabilities.
- Gaslighting in meetings: During meetings, a coworker may twist your words or ideas to make you appear foolish or incompetent.
- Taking credit for your work: A colleague or boss may steal your ideas or work and present them as their own, making you question your value and contribution to the team.
- Making you doubt your qualifications: A gaslighter might question your qualifications for the job, leading you to feel uncertain about your abilities and worthiness in the workplace. They might tell you are “new” or “too young,” so your input is not valid. A supervisor also may excessively monitor your work, making you doubt your own competence.
- Withholding important information: A boss might withhold work or reduce your workload without telling you why. If you question them they may tell you that “you are imagining it,” and that your performance is fine.
- Ignoring or dismissing your concerns: If you raise any issues or concerns, the gaslighter may ignore or trivialize them, telling you “that’s not what happened” or “you’re just stressed; stop worrying so much.”
- Changing expectations: They may make you question your memory by asking you to complete a certain task, but later denying they did. Or, they might ask you for a completed project that they never assigned you to do. This can make it difficult for you to keep up and leave you feeling incompetent.
- Creating a hostile work environment: Gaslighters might use aggressive language or humiliation to undermine your confidence and self-esteem. They might also act inappropriately towards you, telling you that “you’re a troublemaker” or “you are dressed provocatively.” A gaslighter often will dismiss any offensive comments as being “jokes.”
- Blaming you for their mistakes: If a coworker or supervisor makes a mistake, they might blame you, causing you to doubt your own abilities and judgments.
Other signs of gaslighting in the workplace
- You find yourself apologizing without knowing why or what you did wrong.
- You feel ashamed and/ or incompetent after interactions with a coworker or supervisor.
- You are hyperconscious of your words and actions in the workplace, second-guessing yourself and worrying about being misunderstood.
- You feel like you cannot do anything right and question everything you do.
- If you try to explain how you feel, you are dismissed or ridiculed.
- Your confidence and self-esteem have diminished from being at work.
Is gaslighting a form of harassment in the workplace?
Gaslighting is considered a form of harassment or bullying in the workplace. Gaslighting is a specific form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse in which the perpetrator seeks to control the victim to benefit their own agenda.
To gain control, a coworker or supervisor will attempt to undermine the victim’s sense of reality, memory, judgment, and self-worth. The perpetrator will exploit the victim’s vulnerabilities, insecurities, and fears to elevate their own sense of dominance and superiority.
If the behavior is ongoing, it can lead to significant emotional distress and negatively impact the victim’s mental health and job performance.
The American Psychological Association defines bullying as “a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words, or more subtle actions.”
Gaslighting is a form of bullying in which the perpetrator will use words and subtle actions to manipulate, control, and demean the target. Gaslighting is not always obvious, as gaslighters will often oscillate between acting supportive and friendly and cruel and unkind. This is known as “warm-cold behavior.”
If the victim confronts the perpetrator about their behavior, they will often be told they are “overreacting” or “being too sensitive.” As a result, the victim will begin to question their perception of events or feel that their feelings are invalid.
According to therapist and author of Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People, Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, “Gaslighting is underreported in the workplace, because gaslighters who are particularly adept at manipulation may make the victim feel as if it was all his or her fault.”
Gaslighting can create a toxic and harmful work environment. In many jurisdictions, workplace harassment, including gaslighting, is prohibited by employment laws and regulations.
If you believe you are experiencing gaslighting, it’s important to document the incidents, seek support from trusted colleagues, and report the behavior to the appropriate channels within your organization.
How to deal with gaslighting at work
Dealing with gaslighting at work can be difficult as the behavior is often subtle and ambiguous. For that reason, it is important to document every incident, seek feedback from trusted others, and build a case.
Gaslighting is not always intentional. If you bring up an issue with a colleague or manager and their reaction is to ignore it or try not to take it personally, they may have inadvertently gaslit you.
However, if the behavior is ongoing and they continue to deny their behavior or tell you are being too sensitive, they are likely trying to manipulate you intentionally.
Educate Yourself
Before you accuse someone of gaslighting, you must be aware of what gaslighting is. Educate yourself on the tactics, so you can recognize if it is happening to you.
You can also speak to trusted friends or colleagues, so they can provide an objective view of what is happening and confirm or disconfirm your suspicions.
Here is a reminder of what gaslighting is:
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse in which one person seeks to make another doubt their perception, memory, judgment, or sanity. Gaslighters use various tactics and behaviors, such as lying, denying, and contradicting, to confuse their victim and force them to accept a false reality.
This gives the perpetrator power and control over the victim. Gaslighting is particularly effective when there is an unbalanced power dynamic, such as in a work environment.
Document the Gaslighting Behavior
When you suspect that you are experiencing gaslighting or any other form of bullying in the workplace, keep documentation – include dates, times, and specific details.
Record what happened, when it happened, and what was said. Keep all emails and text messages as written evidence.
This documentation can be valuable if you need to report the behavior later. The more detail you have, the harder it will be for the gaslighter to deny their behavior.
Keeping records will also help you to confirm your suspicions and realize that what is happening is not your fault.
Be Careful About Confronting the Gaslighter
Gaslighters seek to exert control and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Therefore, if you confront a gaslighter about their behavior, they will likely deny it and shift the blame onto you.
Confronting a gaslighter can also escalate their behavior, which can be detrimental to your own well-being and safety at work.
Additionally, gaslighters thrive on seeing their targets distressed or uncertain, so try to remain composed and avoid getting drawn into emotional traps.
Instead of confronting the gaslighter, consider involving a trusted senior staff member or member of the Human Resources (HR) team.
Report the Behavior
If the gaslighting constitutes workplace harassment or violates company policies, report the behavior to the appropriate channels within your organization and bring your documentation to support your case.
Unfortunately, gaslighting is often hard to prove, which is why it is important to document instances of gaslighting in detail.
Familiarize yourself with the workplace policies and employment laws related to harassment. Knowing your rights can empower you to take appropriate action.
When you are ready to file a report, arrange a meeting with management or HR. Be concise, clear, and assertive. Explain the facts of the behavior and the impact it is having on your mental health and ability to work.
Avoid the Gaslighter
Be sure to establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter. Find ways to reduce contact with them as much as possible – avoid lunches, coffees, and meetings where you know they will be present.
If you need to communicate with the gaslighter, write emails so there is written evidence of all interactions.
Grow your network and connect with other people at work. Having a support system at work can provide emotional validation and make you feel less isolated.
Look After Your Mental Health
Gaslighting and other forms of psychological aggression can have a detrimental impact on one’s mental health. It can cause chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, diminishing one’s self-esteem and sense of worth.
For that reason, you must prioritize your mental health. Make time for activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, meditation, mindfulness, journaling, spending time with loved ones, or connecting with nature.
Remember that your mental health is more important than your job. Try to treat yourself with compassion – remember that gaslighting is a reflection of the gaslighter’s issues and not a result of your own shortcomings.
Seeking the support of a therapist can also help you stay grounded.
Leave the Team or Organization
It is rare that a gaslighter will stop their behavior. If the gaslighting continues and negatively affects your mental health, it might be necessary to seek other opportunities.
Before you accept a new job, do research on the company and its culture to be sure it will provide a healthier work environment.
Sources
American Psychological Association. (2015). APA Dictionary of Psychology (2nd ed.)
The National Bullying Helpline (2022). Gaslighting at work – Spotting the signs of subtle workplace bullying. https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/gaslighting.html
Schat. A & Frone, M.R., (2011). Exposure to Psychological Aggression at Work and Job Performance: The Mediating Role of Job Attitudes and Personal Health. Work Stress, 25 (1): 23-40.
