The term “gaslighting” originates from a 1938 play titled Gas Light. The play was laster adapted into a film of the same name in 1944. The play, and subsequent adaptations, follows the story of a husband who manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind in order to control her and gain access to her inheritance.
He does this by subtly dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying any change when his wife notices it. He convinces his wife that she is only imagining it, and eventually, she begins to doubt her own perceptions and sanity.
Although the play did not coin the word “gaslighting” directly, the term has since gained significant prominence in psychology and discourse.
Gaslighting is now used to describe a type of psychological manipulation in which one person seeks to make another person doubt their own reality, memory, or perceptions.
It is often used to describe situations where someone is trying to undermine another person’s confidence in their understanding of events or the world around them.
Where does the term gaslighting come from?
As described above, the term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 play titled “Gas Light.”
The term “gaslighting” has since entered the realm of psychology and everyday language to describe a type of psychological manipulation in which one person seeks to undermine another person’s confidence in their understanding of events or their surroundings, often as a means of control or manipulation.
Decades after the movie was released, the phrase “the Gas Light phenomenon” was used by Barton and Whitehead (1969) in their Lancet paper to describe the involuntary hospitalization of psychiatric patients as a form of abuse, drawing inspiration from the play and movie “Gas Light.”
Later, in 2007, its modern understanding and usage were further popularized by Robin Stern in her book titled “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life.”
Gaslighting Today
In her book, Stern delves into the concept of the Gaslight Effect, which refers to a dynamic that can occur between two individuals in a relationship through mutual participation. This dynamic involves one person subtly manipulating or distorting the other person’s perception of reality.
Stern writes, “the gaslightee holds the key to her own prison” and outlines warning signs of gaslighting and how to deal with it.
Stern’s book emphasizes that the Gaslight Effect isn’t solely about one person intentionally manipulating the other; rather, it can emerge from a more subtle and complex interplay within a relationship.
This concept has been influential in discussions surrounding emotional manipulation, power dynamics, and communication patterns in relationships.
The term’s usage has evolved beyond its theatrical origins to encompass a broader understanding of psychological manipulation and control in various contexts.
For example, it can be applied to healthcare and mental healthcare settings, the workplace, or politics.
Despite its widespread use, “gaslighting” is not officially recognized as a clinical term in the diagnostic criteria of mental health disorders as defined by the American Psychological Association (APA). However, the behaviors and tactics associated with gaslighting do align with a number of concepts found within the DSM.
Signs of gaslighting in romantic relationships
Gaslighting in romantic relationships can be subtle and insidious. It is a common feature of emotionally abusive and controlling relationships, where the perpetrator seeks to manipulate and control their partner.
Here are some signs of gaslighting in a romantic relationship:
Love Bombing
“Love bombing” is a term used to describe a manipulative tactic in which one person overwhelms another with excessive displays of affection, attention, and flattery in the early stages of a relationship. It often includes lavish gifts and exaggerated declarations of love.
The purpose of love bombing is to create a strong emotional bond quickly and to gain control or influence over the target person.
Love bombing can be emotionally and psychologically damaging, as it creates an unrealistic and unhealthy foundation for a relationship. Once the target becomes emotionally invested, the love bomber might start to withdraw attention, become emotionally distant, or even engage in abusive behaviors.
This can leave the target confused and hurt. The victim might discount the behaviors as “one-offs” and become dependent on the perpetrator to provide the “high” they initially experienced.
Love bombing is usually associated with narcissistic individuals or those with manipulative tendencies. It is often the first stage of the perpetrator’s attempts to isolate their victim.
Isolating
Gaslighters might further isolate their victim from friends and family, making them more dependent on their version of reality. This tactic is often used by manipulative or controlling individuals to gain more power over their target and make them more dependent on the manipulator.
By cutting off the target’s interactions with friends and family, the manipulator limits exposure to external perspectives and opinions, making it easier for them to shape their target’s beliefs, thoughts, and views.
Additionally, isolation can create a situation where the target becomes more reliant on the manipulator for emotional support, companionship, and validation.
The manipulator becomes the primary source of interaction and connection, leading the target to seek approval and affirmation solely from them.
Isolation can manifest as discouraging the target from spending time with friends or family, spreading negative rumors about them, creating conflicts between the target and their social circle, or making the target feel guilty for wanting to be with others.
Denying Reality
Denying reality is another key component of gaslighting. Gaslighters will often flat-out deny things they’ve said or done, even if there’s evidence to the contrary. They might say things like, “That never happened,” “I never said that,” or “You’re imagining things.”
They may twist the facts or reinterpret events to fit their narrative and act as if their victim’s perceptions or memories are incorrect.
The goal of denying reality in gaslighting is to undermine the target’s confidence in themself and to establish control over their thoughts and emotions.
Withholding-Affection
Opposite to love bombing, withholding affection is another manipulative tactic used by individuals to gain control or power over someone in a relationship.
Gaslighters might intentionally limit or deny emotional intimacy, physical closeness, and affectionate gestures as a a way to manipulate their partner.
By using affection as a tool for control, the gaslighter is able to reinforce the idea that they have the power to grant or withhold emotional closeness based on the target’s compliance with their wishes.
This tactic can have a significant impact on the target’s self-esteem, well-being, and sense of security within the relationship.
Name-Calling and Insulting
Gaslighters criticize their victims’ decisions, preferences, and abilities, eroding their self-esteem and making them more dependent on their validation.
They might call their partner “crazy” or “overly emotional” to imply they are out of touch with reality and make them feel confused or anxious.
The goal of their criticism is often to cause the victim to become more vulnerable to internalizing these accusations, allowing the manipulator to gain more control in the relationship.
Projecting and Blaming
Gaslighters often project their own negative traits or behaviors onto their victims. They might accuse their partners of doing things they are actually doing, making them feel guilty or confused.
Or, they might shift blame for their actions onto their partner, saying things like, “I️ only did this because of you” or “It’s your fault X happened.”
Eventually, the victim may start to doubt their own competence and feel responsible for the problems in the relationship.
Your Feelings
Another way to identify gaslighting in a relationship is to pay attention to the ways you feel around your partner. Some signs include:
- Constantly feeling confused, guilty, or doubtful of yourself.
- Feeling nervous and anxious about how your partner will react.
- Finding it difficult to trust your own perceptions.
- Detaching from your surroundings, your work, your loved ones, and even yourself.
It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication, and trust. If you suspect that you’re experiencing gaslighting in your relationship, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.
Sources
Barton, R., & Whitehead, J. A. (1969). The gas-light phenomenon. The Lancet, 293(7608), 1258-1260.
Klein, W.B., Wood, S. & Li, S (2022). A Qualitative Analysis of Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships. Preprint from PsyArXiv.
Shane, T., Willaert, T. & Tuters, W. (2022). The rise of “gaslighting”: debates about disinformation on Twitter and 4chan, and the possibility of a “good echo chamber”. Popular Communication, 20(3), 178-192.
Stern, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulations Other People Use to Control Your Life. New York: Harmony Books.
Sweet, P. L. (2019). The Sociology of Gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851–875.
