Can Extroverts Have Social Anxiety? Signs And How To Cope

Extroverts and introverts can both experience social anxiety and share some of the emotional and physical symptoms that come along with that (e.g., shaking, sweating, and rapid heart rate). However, extroverts are thought to experience social anxiety in different ways than introverts.

While social anxiety in extroverts may seem counterintuitive, they face unique challenges. Extroverts tend to deeply value social connections, so perceived judgment or rejection can be exceptionally distressing.

Anxious extroverts often pressure themselves to be constantly upbeat and entertaining so that everyone is having fun. However, putting others’ needs first prevents them from caring for themselves.

Below are some of the key signs of extroverts with social anxiety. Note that this is not an exhaustive list; not everyone will experience every sign, and everyone can experience different levels of each sign.

1. They feel judged by others

This is a common trait for anyone with social anxiety; however, it is key for extroverts.

Socially anxious extroverts care so much about being accepted by others that they will spend most of their time in social situations thinking others are judging them.

They may find it hard to stay calm or fully enjoy their time with others because they have made up their mind about being disapproved and rejected by everyone around them.

2. They can be shy

Shyness is not exclusive to those who are introverted – extroverts can be shy too. Shy extroverts are energized by quality social time but also feel insecure in those social settings.

They can feel awkward and tense in social settings despite having a need to be social. They may also be hyper-aware of how shy they feel, making them feel even more uncomfortable.

3. They want everyone around them to have a good time

Socially anxious extroverts may feel a lot of pressure to constantly entertain other people at social events, especially if they are the one who arranged the event. They may become focused on others’ needs and on ensuring everyone is having a good time and enjoying themselves.

If they notice one person not looking like they are having fun, the socially anxious extrovert may become more anxious.

Part of the reason socially anxious extroverts throw social events like parties is for them to have fun, but if they are too busy worrying about everyone else’s enjoyment, they may miss out on their own.

4. They feel down when not being social

It may feel easier for extroverts with social anxiety to avoid social situations altogether if it brings them too much anxiety.

However, avoiding socialization can cause additional stress since they are not getting energized in the way that they need. In turn, avoiding socialization can lead to feelings of depression, detachment, and isolation.

“I like spending time with people… if I go a whole day without speaking to anyone face to face, I feel kind of sad and down.”

Christy

5. They are overthinkers

Extroverts often greatly value being liked by others, so they may be prone to overthinking and ruminating about how they are perceived.

They may worry that others will find faults with them, and they may fixate on a perceived negative interaction for a long time, which can cause them more stress.

“At the event itself, I will usually drive the conversations, ask most questions, tell stories to avoid the awkward silence. People often call me charming and very extroverted. The next day usually is full of overanalyzing, regrets, and shame. I always wish I had talked less.”

‘Paul’

6. They have a fear of being left out

Extroverts often like to be involved in as many social situations as possible. However, if they do not get invited to an event, this could cause them anxiety.

They may have a fear of being left out and want to be invited, even if they decide not to attend in the end.

“I live in a constant state of FOMO, which leads me to say yes to everything.”

‘Adelaide’

7. They may cancel plans

Socially anxious extroverts may make many social plans with people, but when the time comes, they may become so anxious about going through with the plans that they cancel at the last minute.

Likewise, they may not like impulsive plans since they cannot dedicate time to prepare for the social situation, so they may not be likely to go through with these plans either.

This could result in their friends becoming frustrated if the socially anxious extrovert appears to not commit to plans or if they give the impression they don’t want to see their friends.

8. They may not want to go anywhere alone

To help cope with anxiety in social situations, the socially anxious extrovert may only attend social events if they bring a close friend along.

They may not want to go to social settings alone for fear of being judged, so having a safe person with them can take away much of that anxiety.

“I can never go to a restaurant, movie, or social event by myself… I feel so lonely in my own company, I’ve like I live in parallels.”

‘Adelaide’

9. They feel overwhelmed in social situations

Being extroverted, the individual may want to go out and socialize, yet being socially anxious; they might dread the very interaction they crave.

The internal back and forth between what they want and need and how they feel can overwhelm them. They may also force themselves to socialize, which can result in experiencing heightened physical reactions.

“I still have this drive to talk to people and to be confident, and I still want to make friends with everyone, but that’s very much inhibited by the fact that everyone scares me… (there’s) very, very, very few people I feel comfortable around.”

Christy

Is there an ongoing increase in socially anxious extroverts?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that between August 2020 and February 2021, there was an increase in the number of adults who experienced recent symptoms of a depressive or anxiety disorder – from 36.4% to 41.5%.

It is likely that the COVID-19 pandemic has heightened the levels of societal depression and anxiety about socialization.

Since extroverts have likely not been able to socialize as much as they wanted during the pandemic, it’s possible that more extroverts have developed social anxiety.

Likewise, extroverts who already had social anxiety may have found it harder to cope with their symptoms during this time.

Managing Social Anxiety When You Are Extroverted

Below are some ways in which an extrovert with social anxiety can manage. You will notice that a lot of the same methods are advisable to anyone who has social anxiety, whether they are extroverted or not. 

Communicate your feelings

Without expressing the anxiety, your friends will likely be unaware of it. Letting those you trust know about your social anxiety can help them understand, and they can help you navigate tough moments.

Be open to negotiating in order to figure out a level of social intensity that works for the whole group. That way, expectations are clear, and you do not get to a point where you are too overwhelmed by anxiety.

For example, if you are feeling especially anxious right before meeting a group of friends, reach out to your trusted friend and explain how you are feeling.

You could arrange to meet 1:1 with them before the group arrives or agree to leave together by a certain time – discuss a way that can help make the situation easier without avoiding the event completely. 

Adjust your expectations

You may have to accept that there may be some awkwardness in every social situation that cannot be controlled.

It makes sense to pick and choose the group settings where you thrive instead of trying to do it all and finding yourself anxious or frustrated in those settings.

However, this does not mean you shouldn’t try to push yourself because the more you avoid social situations, the more you are feeding into the vicious cycle of anxiety.

Before social events, set expectations with the group about your capacity so you don’t overextend yourself. For example, “I tend to feel overwhelmed in large crowds, so I may slip away for quiet breaks.”

Recognize the limits of your control

It is important to accept that you have limited control over the experiences of others. At a social event, there may always be someone who is not having a good time, but it is not your responsibility to make them have a good time.

It could be that the person is in a bad mood that day or is experiencing some issues external to the social event that you cannot control.

Even if someone leaves a social event feeling like they had a bad time, this does not mean that you personally are to blame for this. 

Manage unhelpful thoughts

Social anxiety is known for distorting your thoughts, usually making thoughts unhelpful (e.g., “Nobody wants me here”).

To deal with these thoughts, you first need to notice them and challenge them with an alternative thought that is more useful and closer to the truth (e.g., “My anxiety is making me feel like nobody wants me here, but I have no concrete evidence that this thought is the truth. I was invited here for a reason.”)

Another example: “I am talking too much. I am being annoying.”

A more constructive thought: “I do not find other people annoying when they talk a lot, so why would I assume this about myself?”

As you practice identifying your anxious thoughts, you will find it easier to restructure them into healthier thoughts with time.

The Centre for Clinical Interventions has a module on doing ‘detective work’ to challenge your unhelpful thoughts. 

Educate yourself

Educating yourself on social anxiety and learning to spot the symptoms when they arise can be key to managing anxiety.

If you enter a social situation with an understanding of social anxiety, you will likely be better equipped to handle it. You can watch yourself and manage your behaviors in a way that encourages your confidence and enjoyment of socializing.

With knowledge, you can also set small goals for yourself. When you achieve them, no matter how small, they are still steps towards overcoming anxiety.

Take small steps

If you desire social interaction but fear it simultaneously, be strategic about which social activities you participate in.

Begin by pushing your comfort zone with lower-risk social situations, like going to a relaxed lunch with a few close friends versus a huge party. This way, you get the socialization you need without the fear of such intense negative judgment.

Smaller groups also mean there are fewer people to focus on if your anxiety can stem from worrying about everyone else having a good time.

Be mindful

Being mindful involves purposefully paying attention to the present moment with openness and curiosity. Rather than worrying about an upcoming event or rehashing past interactions, mindful awareness anchors you in what is happening right now.

For extroverts prone to “what-if” thinking patterns related to social anxiety, mindfulness can be extremely centering. To become more mindful in social situations, engage your senses fully by noticing textures, sounds, colors, and even tastes vividly.

For example, at a dinner party, consciously savor each bite of food, listening to the chime of silverware as you chew slowly. When someone approaches to chat, intentionally direct your attention to the hue of their clothing or the inflection of their voice instead of judging your response.

Being mindful takes patience but offers big rewards for anxious extroverts needing an anchor. By continually guiding your focus sensation by sensation, you give nervous energy less room to take over.

Seek therapeutic help

If you find that social anxiety is getting worse or it is significantly interfering with your daily functioning, you can consider getting help from a therapist or other mental health professional who specializes in treating social anxiety disorder.

A popular therapeutic approach is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps identify unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors.

Once identified, these thoughts and behaviors can be challenged to produce healthier, more realistic thinking and behavior.

Exposure therapy is a technique of CBT that involves gradually putting yourself in stressful situations and learning to overcome them. A common theme with anxiety is to avoid stressful situations altogether.

While this may bring short-term relief, it can cause more anxiety in the long term.

Gradually exposing yourself to what makes you anxious can help break this anxiety cycle and realize that the situations are not as catastrophic as you may make them out to be.

Cabello, R., & Fernandez-Berrocal, P. (2015). Under which conditions can introverts achieve happiness? Mediation and moderation effects of the quality of social relationships and emotion regulation ability on happiness. PeerJ, 3, e1300.

Centre for Clinical Interventions. (n.d.). Module 6: Detective work and disputation. Back from the Bluez. Centre for Clinical Interventions. Retrieved from: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Back-from-The-Bluez/Back-from-the-Bluez—06—Detective-Work-and-Disputation.pdf 

Centre for Clinical Interventions. (n.d.). The vicious cycle of anxiety. Retrieved from http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au

Spinhoven, P., Elzinga, B. M., van Hemert, A. M., de Rooij, M., & Penninx, B. W. (2014). A longitudinal study of facets of extraversion in depression and social anxiety. Personality and Individual Differences, 71, 39-44.

Vahratian A, Blumberg S, Terlizzi E, & Schiller J. (2021) Symptoms of Anxiety or Depressive Disorder and Use of Mental Health Care Among Adults During the COVID-19 Pandemic — United States, August 2020–February 2021. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.  https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7013e2.htm